"Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

With the suicides of late of Marie Osmond's son and TV star from 'Growing Pains,' it makes me so sad that these guys and so many others decide to end their lives. I've been depressed before... there was a period of several years when I would come home from work and just lie on the bed. I just wanted the pain to stop. It's what the majority of these people want.

My father killed himself eight years ago, so I know the pain of those that are left behind to pick up the pieces. I know the pain that Marie Osmond is going through... Was there something else that I could have done? Those nagging questions - the 'if onlys' will haunt me the rest of my life. Why didn't I stay with him longer? Why didn't I insist he could come live with me? My mother had just died a week earlier and we were all grieving. He had been so tough all his life, I thought it would continue...
In my past deep depression, I was in a terrible, destructive relationship that I couldn't seem to pull out of. There seemed to be a blanket of darkness over me that I couldn't get out from underneath. I remember one day an inner voice said, 'Ok, if you're serious about dying, then do something about it.' It was like the old cartoons with the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. So the angel said, (in an inner voice) 'Life is a gift, a wonderful gift.' The devil said, 'Go ahead, your children will be better off without your sorry ass.' And the angel said, 'No, never. It's the most selfish act you could ever do. Life is an adventure.' That day, I decided to live - really live. It took me awhile, but I got there. And I have never forgotten that life is a wonderful gift.

We have choices every day. When we choose to do wrong things, we bring bad spirits in our lives. And they put chains on us. They bring addictions and pain. And when we choose to stop those things and ask God to help us, then they leave. It's why all addiction programs like the seven step process in AA starts with number one - giving their addiction to a higher power (God.) Only He can give someone the power when they get that low. They get past the 'pick up yourselves by the boot straps,' and only God can pick them up. It's a choice, and once you make it, He steps in. It's a moment when you say (like the song says), 'Jesus, take the wheel.'

That's when the adventure starts. That's when you're truly free. That's when you can start enjoying your gift of life.