"Beware the Ides of March..." - William Shakespeare

There's something about Shakespeare when he says that... It sounds foreboding; you just feel like something bad is going to happen.... I'm a worrier. I come from a long line of worriers. It's not in the genes as much as it is in example. And, as hard as I try, I still worry. A lot. I have had a hard time sleeping lately...
My pastor says it's actually a sin to worry. Because when you do, you're not trusting God that He has it all under control. When I was in (church) preschool, we used to sing, "He's got the whole world in His hands," and when I envision that, it seems to help. Faith is the opposite of fear, and if we don't have faith, the bible says it is "impossible to please God." Well, that's a no-brainer. I definitely want to do that. Who in their right mind wouldn't?
My mother was a 'card-carrying' worrier. She would puff her cigarette, smack her gum, and drink coffee (or cocktail) depending on what time of the day it was. She never really prayed about it; that never really sank in. My dad was the opposite. He had huge (emotional) walls built up miles high. He wanted to ensure that nothing would hurt or affect him. He let me do whatever I wanted, and would say, "Just don't come crying to me..."

They say people imagine God how their father was. THAT took me years to dissolve. My father was emotionally unavailable (due to abandonment issues from childhood) so I had to imagine someone else's dad. I never trusted my dad. He was verbally abusive, selfish, and a bit sadistic. I avoided him at all costs, and tried to stay gone or completely out of his way. On road trips I sat directly behind him, so when he started swinging around to smack us, he couldn't reach me.

We survived, but the trust issue has always been hard for me. And it's really hard to trust God because you can't even SEE him. But slowly but surely, I am learning to trust. My analogy is a tree. With my dad, if I went out on a limb, he ALWAYS cut it off. With God, He never has, but it's taken a lifetime to get pretty far out on the limb. I am still working on the worrying part of life.

My daily prayer is, "Lord, I put it all in Your hands," just like the song says.