"I don't care who you are. When you sit down to write the first page of your screenplay in your head, you're also writing your acceptance speech."

(Nora Ephron quote)

And the Oscar goes to....
Wow, how cool would THAT be to hear your name winning an Oscar! I think a lot of us girls dream of putting on the gorgeous dress that some big designer custom made for us for free, that usually costs a bazillion dollars, and jewels, and be pampered for a day. I think I would pick out sort of a Boho-looking style, a la Kate Hudson, that is formal, yet not over-the-top. I would have my hair down because I'm not the Queen of England, and Boho calls for hair down any way. Earrings would be dangly, sort of medium style chandeliers, again going with the formal Boho look.

I WOULD take a date, a man, because I think it's STUPID to take you hair stylist or your aunt to the biggest event of the year. (Sheesh!) I would arrive to the red carpet in a limo, since it's tradition and I would NOT make a statement by arriving in a Prius, and not only ruin my dress, but my image. I would talk to all talking heads and not snub the ones I don't care for, like Angelina Jolie did. I would be gracious, classy and humble because 'my momma didn't raise no fool.'

My answers would not include TMI, like some of them do after a little too much champagne and tell us what color their thong is or similar garbage. I wouldn't dodge through the back door like Jennifer Aniston did when trying to avoid Brad Pitt, and I wouldn't be late (again like Jennifer Aniston) to one of the biggest parties of the year and of my life. I would smile for the cameras and wave to the throngs of spectators, knowing that' by the grace of God, there go I.' My expression would NOT look smug and queenly like Angelina Jolie, who's very mind can be read as she stands there thinking, "I wish I were not here, I wish I was in France or Africa looking like I'm saving the world, but I DO want to show off the man I stole from his wife." (at least that's what I think she's thinking!)
So, we get inside, they announce MY name!! It's time to get up to say the speech of a lifetime. Personally, I have thought of that speech a lot over the years... Why, I don't know, I don't even act. But the thought of being able to thank people in front of millions all over the world, is just too neat of a thought. I don't think I could put up with 'Hollywood,' and it's plasticity, for two seconds, but giving the speech... well, that's just nirvana.
So, here goes. (My blog CAN go out to millions all over the planet, so I guess this is the next best thing...)

Oh! I'm so surprised!! (I have to say this to look humble.) What an honor to be nominated with such other awesome women (I have to say this too, so their looks won't kill.) First of all, thank you to the Academy (so I'll win again some day) And thank you to, the list of all the movie people, other stars, producers, cameramen, makeup and hair people (critical to us women), guy that brought us donuts, etc, etc.

I'd like to thank my mother for the endless hours she gave, in helping with homework, driving me to dance and whatever else I wanted to do, being there when I was sick, crying with me when a boy broke up with me, giving me advice on life, typing college papers for me (and quickly at deadline), leaving me surprise presents on my bed, trying to be fair when I had fights with my sister and brother, helping me out financially when I was overdrawn, coming over and occasionally cleaning (and leaving a note that the good fairy had been there), doing my laundry when my washing machine broke, helping out with my children when they were half sick and I couldn't miss work, helping get them Christmas presents when we were unemployed one year, helping them pay for college and sororities, cooking wonderful dinners, listening to my stories and venting, allowing me to make my own mistakes and picking me up after I've made them, and loving me all the days of my life.

To my dad, thank you for being such a great provider, and for just being there, like the king of our household. Thank you for disciplining me, because I was a handful and needed it. Thank you for pushing me to be better, and knowing I could do it. Thank you for buying my first car and paying for my college. Thank you for not leaving mom. Thank you for loving me.

Thank you to all of my teachers along the way, because 'it takes a village' to raise a child. Thank you to my Sunday school teachers, Girl Scout leaders, and anyone that volunteered to help me along my path. Thank you to my grandparents for helping out when you could. To my ex, I say thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have never deserved your kindness nor forgiveness, but you gave it anyway. You are a classy, giving, stable and dependable man, who has given all you have to three wonderful kids. I will always be in your debt.

And to my children, the three best gifts in my life, for whom all of this is for. I love each of you so incredibly much. Without you, my life would be empty and cold. You are the reason I get up in the morning, and I only hope that I can be someone you will want to thank some day when you reach your dreams. Each of you has been there for me, and I am so proud to be your mother. It means more than any Oscar could ever mean.
(By this time the orchestra would have been playing over me, and they would have cut to commercial eons ago, but I would have continued on because it was my moment, and I may not ever get the chance to do it again...
HAPPY OSCARS, GIRLS! See you on the red carpet!!