2012 Oscars Fashion Police - Live Texting

Alex and me......
Well, here it is... living proof at how catty I can really be. Actually when I read it back, I sound soooo judgmental, but hey, I'm a girl and we can get that way!! Here are my texts with my grown daughter Alex (who is due with her 1st child VERY soon)

Me: Ready??!

Alex: Yes ma'am

Me: I love Juliana's dress

Alex: Guiliana Rancic's dress is gorgeous!!

Me: Very Hollywood, very Oscars

Alex: I love the detail

Me: It looks like palm trees on the sleeves

Me: I still hate Kelly Preston's hair, I mean Kelly what's-her-face's hair

Alex: Kelly Osborn. And her hair is sooooo bad.

Me: Did you see The Descendants? This little girl was on that movie

Alex: No, not yet but I will when it's rentable

Me: Yeah, it's really good. This girls's dress actually is not very age appropriate

Alex: Young kids actors rarely are

Me: So true

Me: I'm not sure I like this dress on Penelope; it looks pretty cheapy

Alex: No, it seems ill-fitting

Me: Bad hair and makeup too

Alex: Yes, cheap looking

Me: She was so much cuter when she was younger...

Alex: Long interview

Me: Totally

Alex: Seacrest cut her off

Me: Haha yeah, slow start; we call this "filler"

Alex: Nobody cares E. We just want to see the dresses

Me: LOL, who's that new young guy (host) he looks like he could be your next door neighbor, seems pretty green around the edges

Alex: Ben Lyons. He is their official movie reviewer. His dad was a reviewer and Ben rides the coat tails

Me: Oh, I get it. Nepotism. He seemed a little too much. Like "what's up G?" to Guiliana

Alex: Goober

Me: I guess none of the stars are getting there early. They were reduced to trying and guess who would be best dressed. They think it will be Jennifer Lopez. My guess is that she will have her hair up and she'll have a slit in her dress all the way up to her thigh.

Alex: I'm over Jennifer Lopez. She clearly has low self-esteem and can't be alone so she dates dancers after every big breakup

Me: Yeah, it's pretty disgusting when a 42 year old female dates a 26 year old guy

Alex: Love the color of this Missy gals dress but again it's a little cheap looking
Me: Oooo, I do like the dress on Milla Jojovich, very Hollywood, very Oscars

Alex: It's very, very pretty

Me: It almost looks 1920s. Is she in The Artist? Oh yeah, she is, I guess that's why

Alex: I like how feminine the dresses are so far

Me: Me too, I'm not disappointed so far

Me: She has such pretty eyes

Alex: Milla looks fabulous

Me: Nice. Skinny.

ALEX'S PICK FOR BEST DRESSED OF THE EVENING

Me: It would be fun to be there but embarressing too

Alex: How so?

Me: To be in the stands with all the other schmo's

Alex: Exactly. I would want to go to an after party

Me: Me too! That's the fun part.

Alex: Really? Wolfgang? Filler...

Me: Yeah, this is slooooooooooooow. It's like 2:00 o'clock in Cali

Alex: Kelly O's hair is just angering me.

Me: Oops, they're saying they're seeing a lot of black

Me: Rose Byrne is such a beautiful girl and all she can wear is black

Alex: Rose is in black. Boring. And she's too thin.

Me: And that other girl (from Bridesmaids) has a nude color on with strapless and she looks naked.

Me: Prom ish

Alex: Yes, it's too monochromatic

Me: Yes, that's the best way to say it
Me: I don't know this girl's name but she looks pretty with the auburn hair in the auburn color

Alex: This red head matched her hair to her dress

Alex: But it's a good look

Me: She seems very un-Hollywood

Alex: She's on The Office

Me: This foreign redhead is very strange

Alex: Her dress has almost too much detail

Me: I agree

Me: Her dress is okay but the hair is YACK

Alex: Yes, I don't like the braids

Me: it was too severe for her, like she had just had a perm but didn't brush it out

Alex: I think you have to be young to pull off braids and even then it's probably not a good idea

Me: So true

Me: Some we'll be on E

Alex: And looking fabulous

Me: The stars should start rolling in now

Me: Oh Stacy Kiebler's dress looks very similar to Angelina's dress in Paris

Alex: Clooney's girlfriend looks so 80's

Me: With a big flower out of fabric

Me: Stacy Keibler looks cute, it is kind of 80s but I like it

Alex: Stacey's hair is fun, love off the shoulder, hate the flower thing

Me: DD says it only looks good on her

Me: The flower thing is very vogue right now

Alex: Melissa McCarthy's hair looks good but the dress color is yuck

Me: Yes, terrible color

Me: But it's nice to put the jewel focus around her neck

Alex: I agree
Me: Jane Seymour does defy age and looks 35

Me: Too much red on the red carpet though
Me: Jessica Chastain is my favorite so far!

Alex: Jessica Chastain seems to have a cute personality

Me: Yes, what a cutie

Me: Still very humble

Alex: Cutie and refreshingly fun

Me: Yes!

MY PICK FOR BEST DRESSED OF THE EVENING
Me: Shaylene looks very late 1960's or early 1970's

Me: Looks like the cover of Seventeen Magazine in 1970

Alex: Shaylene looks matronly almost

Me: I agree

Me: What do you think about Judy Greer's dress?

Alex: Black and gold seems to be trendy this evening

Me: I was just thinking the same thing

Alex: I like that it's different but it's not my taste

Me: Why don't the stylists tell them to keep away from black?

Me: Michelle Williams is okay; I give it a 7 out of 10

Me: Some blondes don't look good in red

Alex: Michelle Williams and Busy Phillips looked pretty but I need to see a closer shot

Alex: She looks very demure. Her dress would be better in another color I think. But pretty.

Me: Now that I see her dress up close it looks very vintage

Alex: Her dress does look vintage. But a modern twist with the color. I like it I suppose.

Alex: She pulls off the pixie cut

Me: yes, only a tiny face can

Me: More filler

Alex: Filler...

Me: Oy vey

Me: Love Viola's dress; hate her new red hair

Alex: I didn't recognize Viola

Me: Green is GOOD

Alex: Love the green but it's a lot of cleavage

Me: Glenn Close is in boring black but she is getting old...

Me: She looks like she has on a woman's tuxedo

Alex: Glenn looks good. I kinda like the tux jacket

Me: Yeah, I wouldn't like it for me but I guess it's okay on her

Alex: Right

Me: Plus it's black. Ugh

Alex: And it had a train so it's a little much

Me: Train wreck - haha
Me: Octavia has not disappointed us

Alex: Octavia just looks so classic and lovely

Me: True

Me: Good for Octavia, she looks good

Alex: Octavia is just knocking it out of the park

Me: Yes she's got great taste
Me: I can't think of this girl's name but wow she is superthin in that navy dress
Me: Rooney Mara looks very art deco - 1920s... or 30s

Alex: AJ said Rooney looks like a vampire slut

Me: Hmmm, I kinda liked it. She's got a striking unique look. I just love 1930s style

Alex: I think she looks a hellava lot better than usual

Me: Very Harlowe

Me: She looks like she's a Paris fashion model

Alex: She is emaciated

Me: Totally
Me: WRONG choice for Maya. Wrong color. Strange. Doesn't go with her hair at all. It might look good on someone with black hair

Alex: It's a little safe but I like it. I love Maya though

Alex: Maya's dress just didn't wow me

Me: Yes, coulda done SO much better

Me: OMG Kristin Wiig in nude AGAIN??? Ugh.

Alex: Kristen is so disappointing. It's beige. Yuck.

Me: Yes YACK. And she needs to be blonde

Alex: Who wears beige??

Me: I know!!!?

ALEX'S PICK FOR WORST DRESSED OF THE EVENING

Me: Sasha Cohen is such a freak

Alex: He is so attention seeking. It's annoying

Me: Sasha sux

Alex: Poor Ryan

Me: OMG POOR RYAN. HE'S PISSED

Alex: That is so sad. Sasha is a d--k

Me: WHAT A JACKASS TO RUIN HIS TUX

Me: A-- hole

Alex: Sooooo rude, I'm shocked

Me: It's all anyone will mention so it will get that attention he seeks - crap

Me: He's married to Isla Fisher

Alex: She can do better

Alex: Is that a new suit

Me: idk, hopefully

Me: Although Melanie Griffith is in black she still looks really good

Alex: She does, you are right
Me: Tina Fey in black... How original. Still love her tho

Alex: Tina, Tina, Tina. It's like a bad rerun.

Me: Tina should at least wear a lot more jewelry

Alex: Why won't Tina wear color?????? WHY?

Alex: Every red carpet she looks like she's going to a fancy funeral

Me: Haha true

Me: Even the E gals just said that

Me: J lo looks like usual. She does better on American Idol. DD agrees. DD digs her bun.

Alex: It's a cool dress but it's been done

Me: Totally. I expected her to take more of a risk

Alex: Me too

Alex: She looks glamorous though

Me: Always

Me: Emma Stone looks rather pretty

Alex: Haven't seen it

Me: Very bright red with one shoulder

Alex: Emma looks great in that color but I hate the neck bow

Me: I like her in either emerald green or some kind of black

Alex: Emma disappointed me

Me: Agree

Alex: I think the presenters will have better dresses

Me: You're probably right

Alex: Is the red carpet over?

Me: I don't think so, maybe they are regrouping. We haven't seen Angelina Jolie yet

Me: Let's switch to ABC because they have a red carpet live right now

Alex: Ok

Alex: ABC is in high def which is awesome

Me: Yay!!

Alex: Nick Nolte is making me cringe

Me: Scary

Me: Penelope Cruz is not disappointing me. Very stunning. DD loves it too

Alex: Her hair is frumpy. Not crazy about the dress. Great necklace though

Me: She looks very classy. She doesn't look as sexy Latina as usual

Alex: It's classy but plain and no wow factor

Me: You wanted lavender

Me: Cameron Diaz looks hot

Alex: I like it. it's a little snoring.

Me: Agree.
Me: Bradley Cooper with a stach???

Alex: It's your dream come true!!

Me: Lol true
Me: Gweneth is snore

Alex: Gwyn's hair is odd. Dress is SO simple.

Me: It looks very oddddddd, Hair is bore

Alex: VERY odd

Me: Disappointing

Me: ABC said this is the only place you'll see the red carpet so they must've kicked E off

Alex: I think you're right

Me: Contractual?
Me: Sandra Bullock looks terrible. YACK!!! DD says it's not that bad. I don't think it's dressy enough. Although she is adorable

Alex: It's matronly. Where's the glamour and feminity?

Me: Oh the back of Sandra's dress was really low and pretty

Me: They just showed Angelina Jolie who looks like she weighs 75 pounds and is in a very boring black dress. Ugh. It had a slit - whoopee
MY WORST DRESSED OF THE EVENING. This dress just screams, "Give me my Oscar so we can be twins!!"
Me: Pretty sad when the interview hostess looks better than most of the attendees...

Me: Gosh, the red carpet kind of sucked this year... the Golden Globes is always my favorite anyway

Alex: The Oscars have just been so disappointing the last few years. Last year's hosts were SO bad but Billy Crystal is so predictable. Sigh

After having a day to let it all sink in, I miss the days when the Oscars were classier - when there was more civility. But Billy Crystal did much better than Ann Hathaway and James Franco last year. And there weren't too many surprises except when Meryl Streep won, I was one of the people she mentioned that was saying, "Oh no, not her..." I was pulling for "The Help's" Viola Davis.

I'd say I'd rate this year's Oscars a 7 out of 10.

See you next time...