"Winning!"

Today DD had her first high school pep rally and cheered at her first game in the high school stadium. The freshman boys played their old rival from the town I work in 20 minutes away. I say "old" rival, because our high school's team was moved to 3-A and the other town is still 4-A, so the rivalry of decades is now the first football game of the season when it used to be the Grand Finale. When I moved here in '95, I attended that game and thought it was the funniest game I had ever been to. I got there 30 minutes early and had to sit in the very top corner of the stadium. The yelling was so loud it was deafening. At half time, as the opposing team filed out to their designated room, they were screaming at us and flipping us off, and our town was screaming at them and throwing stuff. It was WILD. Of course, their guys had killed a goat (our mascot) and left it on the football field, and our guys had killed a few deer (their mascot) and hung them on the road to their town. As I say, good old small town Texas rivalry.

So tonight, our freshman boys, who DD has grown up with her entire life, had thought they were going to get creamed. Their town's football program is legendary and has gone far in the playoffs every year, while our town, not at all. As a matter of fact, they pretty much ran our last head coach off since last year's season was 2-8...

Anyway.

We started out and all parents kind of winced at each other. But from the first play, we saw that this team had heart. First the other team lead, and then we did. We couldn't believe it! We were actually beating these guys! Then their team scored a touchdown and field goal and lead by 10. Then we scored but were still behind. All of a sudden, the other team fumbled and our quarterback ran it in - yea!!! We were ahead 24-22!! Then we fumbled and they got the ball and had enough time to score. Then they threw the ball and we intercepted with only a few seconds left!! Winning!!

THAT'S what I'm talking about!!

"Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be."

My youngest daughter starts high school tomorrow and is finally ready. Like her older sister, she's Type A, so has everything laid out on her bed and ready to go. She's an organizer and a list maker, so she's made what seems like a 100 lists of outfits, ideas, plans, you name it.

It's been a long, hot summer.... And I mean that literally and figuratively. As a matter of fact, it's probably been our worst summer since she's been born. It's a combination of her extreme sadness that life isn't perfect and the events that happened over this past year, but we've had most summer days with tears. She seems like an old soul, and it's aging me quickly. I want to make it all better for her and am trying to do the very most I can do, but so much is out of my control. I'm telling her everything is going to be okay, but am probably more apprehensive about high school than she is. Kids these days are mean. And competitive. And if you show any weakness, you become the 'whippin boy.' I keep saying it's different than it used to be. This batch of kids has been raised by daycare workers and they are out for themselves. I keep hoping she'll find at least one or two friends that will 'have her back.' I'm still waiting. I'm praying that good things are yet to come.

So help me God...

"Life isn't fair..."

The last 2 days DD had volleyball tryouts for her high school freshman team. You know, where the fat man coach with his beer gut, and his Sonic food, keeps yelling at them for 6 hours a day (and I'm not exaggerating) until they collapse, which DD did by the way. She had an episode which has happened twice this summer, first the "conditioning" the coaches said they must do, which was really the football workout with the football players and then yesterday, where she collapsed and could not breathe. At all. And instead of helping her, they just kept yelling to shake it off. Idiots. She wasn't faking. She literally could not breathe for 10 minutes. It sounded like the exercise asthma.

Anyway.

She didn't make the team... I didn't even WANT her to make it. First, the bully is back in her life, and is one of the star volleyball players (and of course, made the team.) And too, in a small town, every other game is out of town, and they have 41 events starting this weekend all the way through Thanksgiving. Ugh!! There are 3 weekdays for games and every weekend. Oh, and here's the best part. The fat man coach has a private league that the girls pay $700 to play in during the spring, and most of the girls that made it were in that league. And then there were some others that DD said were terrible players that made the team who had teacher mothers. Uh huh.

Small towns. Gotta love 'em...

Black Monday has passed...

Last Monday my son got fired (laid off) from his job... He had worked at this company for 4 1/2 years, and thought he was a valuable employee. As a matter of fact, he felt like he did all the work and the 2 much older men just figured out ways to keep leaving and then, of course, left my son with all of the work to do. This company has had 2 other incidents of mass firings of which he made the cut, but not this time... I keep telling him that he's young and able-bodied, and that we live in Texas, which has the most hiring of any other state.

But it still sucks... a lot...

"In it to win it..."

Today DD went to a Volleyball Camp for high schoolers at Schreiner University. We didn't know what to expect, but she was interested in trying out for her high school's volleyball team in early August, so I coughed up the $250 for 6 days of volleyball camp. When I signed her up, I told this young new coach from California that she was on the volleyball team this past year (in 8th grade) but didn't get to play much. THAT was an exaggeration, since the stupid young woman coach was mad at her and DD was the ONLY one that NEVER got to play and it used to make my blood BOIL. Oh, they did put her in in THREE of the bazillion games, but only for less than 2 minutes, and I'm not kidding. Seems this 20-something was mad at DD for missing some practices in 7th grade for dance competition and was trying to get back at her. She all but admitted it. DD was better than at least half of the team members, but the coach refused to put her in. It made DD feel like a loser in front of her team mates and spectators, which I guess, was the intention. Too, DD's arch-nemesis, the bully, was the star player at her private school, and the bully's best friend was the coach's niece.... Lots of nepotism in this small town....

Anyway.

DD arrived at 9am, a little nervous saying she didn't want to embarress herself in case the "campers" were really awesome players. I told her that there would be high schoolers from all over the hill country and that I had told the coach her situation, and he didn't say anything. Well... when I picked her up at 4:00, all of DD's fear's were realized, and THEN some. Neither of us had known that this is the best volleyball camp in half the state of Texas, so girls had come from as far away as West Texas (5 hours) and all were at the top of their game. They were all very serious players, who were extremely aggressive, and DD said all acted like men. And they kept getting mad at her when she served the ball, and kept yelling for her to go after the ball harder. They didn't realize that DD does not really have the killer instinct to play high school sports, and said she wanted to make the team "for exercise and friends." These tough-guy girls are "In it to win it" and said they go to volleyball camps and clubs all summer, and practice with the football players. She said they all kept bragging about how good they are, and that volleyball was their LIFE. Oh, and they hate cheerleaders.

Obviously, DD will not be returning tomorrow....

"Find a job you like and add 5 days to every week."

I want to run away for awhile, with my family of course. I want to take a year off and live in a different state and evaluate my life. I, like the majority of others, never had a plan and just sort of fell into whatever I was doing. As a Baby Boomer female, I was never encouraged to do anything but "marry a rich man." My parents never really assessed my talents and abilities, nor directed me to a certain path. I'm not mad about that, just stating the facts. I never had a burning desire to do anything when I was young except to have children. Looking back on it, I always gravitated to the Communication School at UT, so at least I got that right. I started in journalism, which is what I thought was a good choice for me, but all the uber liberal professors mocked me and said I'd never fit in; that I was too conservative... They said that "people like me" would be good in public relations and marketing. Stupid me, I took their advice and got an Advertising major and Marketing minor. Pppsshhhtt, that and two bucks will get you a cup of coffee... I then decided that working in an advertising agency would be fun, and in retrospect, see now that it was my creative bent that spurred me to this. And advertising was one of the fields at that time opening up to women, after teaching and nursing. An internship became available at the Daily Texan, (UT's campus newspaper.) I got accepted, later was on the advertising staff, and then newspapers were the ones that wanted to hire me since I had experience. (sigh) I'm so bored with it now. I REALLY want to write, and keep offering to write (free) stories for the newspaper I work for, but my boss always says no. I finally have a burning desire to do something - write - and would like a way to figure out how to do it for a living. I mean the highlight of my day is blogging. It's no chore for me, I love it. I think if you don't do what God created you to do, you will never be fulfilled (or happy.) Sure we can all fall into things and keep doing them because it's the best money we can make, but are we happy? Truly happy?

Better the one who starts at a young age doing what they love...

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."

Dedicated to my children

My youngest child, DD, is 14 and until she hit puberty was a sunshine-y, happy soul. But over the last year her life experiences have taken their toll and she's just sad all of the time. Has very much changed? Nope. Not in the big scheme of things, but somewhere around her age a blissful blindfold of childhood is removed and they start to see things in a different light. We live in a small town of "Have's" and "Have-not's" (which is basically the owner of the local stores and those that work there.) Once this blindfold is removed, they start comparing themselves to their peers that seem to have it the best.

My mom advice is this: Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy with whatever you have. Yes, you can still aspire for more but you must be happy with what you currently have.

DD made straight (high) A's all year, made cheerleader, made captain, is healthy and cute, yet doesn't think she has anything to be happy about. Are there inherent problems in her life? Of course. But so much of life is attitude, and that will be what gets you through. One of my coworker's father was murdered in front of her at the age of 4. She has chosen to be happy and live life to the fullest. Her mother, on the other hand, chose to check out a long time ago and lives on government checks. She actually remembers the day her mother said she was going to go fake crazy so she didn't have to work any more. She did, the doctors they sent her to prescribed all kinds of meds, and she took them, and has wasted her entire adult life away.

Today in a talk about this subject, DD scoffed when I said she should be happy that she can walk, talk, run, see, smell, hear, taste, etc. I just read this morning that a 16 year old in the town I work in, dove in the (shallow) river yesterday and is now paralyzed from the waist down. We can't ever take these things for granted. Yes, we don't get to go to Europe, or Hawaii, or even be able to leave Texas at this point, but we are healthy and employed, and that is huge these days.

The best-selling book a few years ago, "The Secret" has some questionable content but it also has some truths. You can call it "the Law of Attraction" or whatever you want, but if you're grumpy and sullen, no one wants to hang around you. Some of the best advice I've ever gotten is, "People like to be around other people who are fun and interesting." Wow. Let that digest. So simple yet so life-changing. You don't have to be zany but no one wants to be around a Debbie Downer because it brings them down too. People like to laugh. It gives them those feel-good endomorphins. People like to be entertained. It's why all good entertainers, whether it be actor, musician, comedian or sports figure, are all wealthy because we put a high price on someone entertaining us.

We've all heard the expression, "Glass half empty or glass half full," and it really is your choice on how you want to see the glass. And it's your choice whether you want to go through life happy or depressed depending on your circumstances. I think happiness is based on meeting our own expectations. So, if you're 50 and unmarried and have no retirement, you can choose to be unhappy. Or, you can change your expectation and decide that you're still appreciative of what you do have and will enjoy it.

It really is your CHOICE.

"Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid." -- John Wayne

Have I mentioned I love John Wayne? He just nails it with everything he said. Men are so simple. What you see is what you get. No complex emotions like with women. They just tell it like it is. Men these days just seem different. Like the word 'metro-sexual' - this word is only used in Texas to describe someone in New York City... a man who gets a facial, wears makeup, carries a man purse. A few years ago I had to spend a month in training in Connecticut. Just seemed to me the men were more effeminate and the women were more masculine. I was never happier when I finally got to DFW and saw cowboy hats and boots. Maybe it's all the female hormones that are supposed to be in the water. Or maybe it's all the hormones they inject in beef and chicken these days. It's just that men don't seem as tough as they were in John Wayne's generation...

I'm not sure the whole feminism thing worked very well either. It sounded good. Equal pay for equal work. I'm definitely for that. Fairness is all I ask for. But, whether we women will admit it or not, we like the protection of a man. Our emotional makeup is better for the tons of smaller decisions. We were designed to be co-pilots for the pilots. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with a woman president. We are moodier, there's no denying it. And distracted, by our children and well, life. In my early twenties, I had a big argument with my father that he was sexist and had a double standard. He basically agreed, and said he didn't make the rules, that's just how it is. He wanted me to get a college degree for backup, but I've had to use it ever since.

I'm the stupid one - and life has been harder for me than it should've been...

"All great change in America begins at the dinner table." -- Ronald Reagan

Does anybody even have dinner together any more? Do moms cook any more? I was fortunate to have a stay at home mother that made dinner every night, but these days everyone is just too busy. Most moms work and don't have time to cook much. Most kids have tons of extra-curricular activities, and are hardly home.

We've just all gotten too busy - myself included. And the mindless TV is on, catching our attention. I just long for the old days when people used to talk more. Sit on their front porch. No wonder everyone is on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills. There's too much noise...you can hardly think. There's too much news, too many electronics and too many media - television, radio, newspaper, internet, magazines, and the list goes on.

We need to turn it off. We can't do anything about a monsoon in Thailand. Or a rapist in India. The whole world is so much more connected now in communication than it was even 10 years ago. It's just overload. Go back to spending more time with our family. Turn the TV off and play games. Read a book. Take a walk. You CAN control some things. And once you've done that, you can actually sit at the dinner table, and contribute to world peace.

"Life is like a box of chocolates.... Forrest Gump

"Mama always says, 'Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.' "
-- Forrest Gump

I loved the movie, "Forrest Gump." Sometimes life CAN be reduced to some simple true-isms that Forrest said like, "Stupid is as stupid does," and "I guess there aren't enough rocks" and "Mama always says, dying was a part of life."

I'm glad you never know what you're going to get in life. Every day is sort of a crap shoot -- a rolling of the dice. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. I was once asked if I could find out what the future held, would I want to know. No. Never. Because NOT knowing gives us the hope each and every day. And if we knew the bad in the future, we would just be dreading it rather than enjoying the present.

So have a chocolate and let life be a surprise. It's sort of like a child's toy Jack-in-the-Box - we keep turning the handle to the music and wait for Jack to pop up. Life is a roller coaster - when you're down it will go up and when you're up, it will go down. Roller coasters wouldn't be fun if they were flat. Once you accept that this is how life is, you won't be so stressed about it. If you believe God when He said, "and lo, I am with you always," then you know you're ultimately going to be okay.

So, accept the roller coaster. Enjoy the ride. That's all I have to say about that.....

"Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives."

Ok, I admit it, I stole this quote from the soap opera intro to Days of Our Lives, which I used to watch eons ago (but could pick it back up in one episode.)
Hourglasses have freaked me out since I was very young, and saw them on the Wizard of Oz with the Wicked Witch. In a very graphic way, you could see your life as those sands quickly going through the hourglass, never to come back again.... You just want to flip it over, and start all over again, but you know you can't. The reality is, we just get one hourglass, and we better make the most of it. Time is strange like that...

The concept of death hit me as a young child, about 4 or 5 years old, right after my great-grandmother died, whom I was extremely close to. Mammy was cool, and funny, and grand and let me do whatever I wanted. She was rich and lived at the top of a grand hotel (the St. Anthony) in downtown San Antonio. We used to stay with her when my parents (who were young) needed to get away from their 3 kids and take a trip. We would go downstairs to Peacock Alley, where all the old people would listen to beautiful live music, and they would say to me, "Dance, Dance!" I've always loved an audience, and it started my dance classes (and love of dance.) We would stare out of her window, and I would say, "Jesus is staring at me," since a huge methodist church across the street had Jesus looking in our window. We would play dress up in all of her cool clothes and jewelry box. Delicious memories.

I didn't quite understand the day she died, but when she didn't come back, it began to hit me. And then I remember crying for what seemed like days... She still hasn't come back, none of them have. Death is so final - ugh! They're here one day and poof - they're gone. I went for years trying not to think about it, but I'm not young anymore, and the older you get, the closer it gets, just using common sense. In my small town, we've lost three souls under the age of 16, and a local 31 year old in Afganhistan since school started. We've been under a dark cloud this year, and it's been tough to deal with. Even though I didn't know any of them very well, I know people who do and are hurting. And it does cross your mind, it could've been someone I do know very well, or my child, or me...
And then it hits me, I 've got to manage my 'sands' - my time, better. I'm not getting any younger. I've wasted a huge chunk of my life on really stupid stuff. And of course work takes up the vast majority of time as an adult anyway. And the rest of the day, I've got chores and I'm tired. Throw tv shows in there, and when can you do something substantive? But I've got to carve it out. I've got to cull the big time wasters out. I can hear that sand going through the hourglass. And I can only see the bottom of it - I can't see how much sand is left at the top....

"A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation." -- Mark Twain

Well, I find this convicting.. I have no idea what words I habitually use, except when I get mad! I try to be positive and complimentary with my words but am certainly not always successful. I am told I relay a lot of dramatic (true) stories, which probably means I am fearful. Guilty. And I habitually yell at other drivers like I'm from Jersey, which probably means I am frustrated. Guilty again.
I once read that you should give sweet nicknames to your small children like cutie and cupcake, and this is how they will think of themselves. Some parents think it's funny to call their kids punk, dork, or worse but truly the names they keep hearing are sinking into their psyche. That's probably true for us all. There's a Bible verse that says, "But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart..."
So it's a heart condition and not a vocabulary problem. I guess that's what Mark Twain was saying...

"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us, or we find it not." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

One of my favorite quotes... It used to hang on a poster in my dorm room at college. For me, the grass was always greener on the other side. Fresh start. New beginnings. I always thought if I moved, everything would get better... Always searching for that perfect place. Too, I'm pretty ADD - can't sit still very long and get bored with things much too quick.

I've moved way too many times to even admit to. Let's just say my moving guys know me by name and after awhile, they've told me they wonder why I haven't called. My head moving guy, Jammin just got married. I know this and we're not even related.... When I was much younger, we lived in rent houses, so as soon as we got into a good one, the owner would sell it. And if we were in a less desirable house, we wanted a better one. Somewhere in there it became a habit - it evolved into who I am. I already know that some day at my funeral, they'll say 'she moved a lot,' and shake their heads. All of my adult life I had dreamed of owning a big, Victorian house and when I finally bought one, it was just way too big. It's just me and my youngest now, and the house was a money pit. I finally had to declare sunk cost, and stop throwing good money on bad. Besides, it was so big, it was scary. I had always wanted to live on this street named Bluebonnet. I would drive up and down this perfect street with these perfect houses, but finally when we did live on Bluebonnet, the house had a flea infestation, scary sounds in the attic, and a psycho stalked me there. I also always wanted to live on a lake, but again, when we did, it was terribly far to commute to work, and since we didn't have a boat, we were always frustrated sitting on the dock watching everyone else. Actually my favorite places to live have been the two duplexes we lived in - not because they were duplexes - they just had a good vibe - house charisma, if you will. Sure it's fun to redecorate each time we move. And it's also very cleansing - many have commented, "I guess you don't have a junk drawer." I certainly wasn't raised this way, we only lived in three houses, one when we were really young, our homestead for school age, and they downsized once we all left home. I'm guessing the part of my brain in this area is very damaged...My older kids have to use a tour map to show where they grew up, with no real attachment to any of them. (Actually my son's favorite was his dad's retro apartments which had lots of fun places to ride bikes.)

So, go figure... I guess "home is where your heart is" or as I say, "home is where your stuff is," says it best. And that money doesn't buy happiness. And don't search for the impossible, you'll save yourself a lot of time.....