"Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

With the suicides of late of Marie Osmond's son and TV star from 'Growing Pains,' it makes me so sad that these guys and so many others decide to end their lives. I've been depressed before... there was a period of several years when I would come home from work and just lie on the bed. I just wanted the pain to stop. It's what the majority of these people want.

My father killed himself eight years ago, so I know the pain of those that are left behind to pick up the pieces. I know the pain that Marie Osmond is going through... Was there something else that I could have done? Those nagging questions - the 'if onlys' will haunt me the rest of my life. Why didn't I stay with him longer? Why didn't I insist he could come live with me? My mother had just died a week earlier and we were all grieving. He had been so tough all his life, I thought it would continue...
In my past deep depression, I was in a terrible, destructive relationship that I couldn't seem to pull out of. There seemed to be a blanket of darkness over me that I couldn't get out from underneath. I remember one day an inner voice said, 'Ok, if you're serious about dying, then do something about it.' It was like the old cartoons with the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. So the angel said, (in an inner voice) 'Life is a gift, a wonderful gift.' The devil said, 'Go ahead, your children will be better off without your sorry ass.' And the angel said, 'No, never. It's the most selfish act you could ever do. Life is an adventure.' That day, I decided to live - really live. It took me awhile, but I got there. And I have never forgotten that life is a wonderful gift.

We have choices every day. When we choose to do wrong things, we bring bad spirits in our lives. And they put chains on us. They bring addictions and pain. And when we choose to stop those things and ask God to help us, then they leave. It's why all addiction programs like the seven step process in AA starts with number one - giving their addiction to a higher power (God.) Only He can give someone the power when they get that low. They get past the 'pick up yourselves by the boot straps,' and only God can pick them up. It's a choice, and once you make it, He steps in. It's a moment when you say (like the song says), 'Jesus, take the wheel.'

That's when the adventure starts. That's when you're truly free. That's when you can start enjoying your gift of life.

"What you give is what you get..."

Yes, you reap what you sow.... It's also in the Beatles song, 'and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you send.' I wish I would have really thought about this when I was younger. My grandmother used to say, "Good intentions pave the road to hell," and how true that is... I always know the right thing to do, and then I don't plan well or I'm tired or something happens and I'm never quite able to give like I would like to. You can really see this on 'Birthday people.' Those are the folks that make a huge effort for other people's birthdays and then on their birthday, it does come back to them. I had a relative that didn't invest in anyone, and in the end, he didn't have any friends. He didn't give and he didn't get. My mother used to say, 'You have to be a friend to have a friend,' and she had lots of them. She invested time with them, they had lunches and called each other, and had lots of laughs.

This is where I get very frustrated. It seems my whole adult life that I have been trying to keep my head above water. And in whatever free time I do have, I want and need to invest in my children. There just isn't much time left... My mother never worked, so she actually had the time to do things with friends and be involved in clubs. But if I manage my time better, then I can do the giving to the areas of my choice, and then I'll enjoy the benefits. It's always about time management with me. And energy... I'm just not a high energy person. My mind is all about burning the candle at both ends, but my body says no!

Anyway, it's just one of the laws of this planet - what you give is what you get.

Learn it - Live it - Love it

"This is not a dress rehearsal... this is it." -- Tom Cunningham

Contrary to what some think, we only have one life. There is no dress rehearsal. We're playing for keeps.
Don't be flippant about your days, you never know how many you have. Don't take your loved ones for granted. You never know when the last time you saw them was the last time you would ever see them again. Life goes by so fast. When you raise children, you blink and they're gone. And if you work full time, there's even less time. If you read my blog a lot, you know I'm always talking about time, because we can't get it back... I'm trying to save you the regrets that I have. If only - if only- if only....... I wish I could get all that time back knowing what I know now. God blessed me with a lot of things, and I took them for granted and wasted so much time.....

I'm not going to blame it on my parents, but I will say that they had a different outlook than me. They thought that we were put here to just enjoy ourselves but I disagree. I think that God put us here to help people, and to share, and to tell others about God's goodness. Yes, I'm a devout Christian, but that sounds so trite. I don't see how people can live without Him... well, I guess they do it with a lot of crutches and possible addictions to blur the pain of life. Life doesn't make sense unless you see it in the context of how God meant it.

I believe that God was lonely way back and He created some company. He didn't want to just make puppets, or robots that did what He said. He gave us free will, so that we can CHOOSE Him. We get to decide. And if we do, then He says we are His friends, and His children, and not His slaves or subjects. And if we choose Him and choose to follow Him, then He will be with us. And when our number is up, we get to be with Him for eternity. It's our choice.

I heard once, that God wants us and the devil wants us, and we have the deciding vote. It wouldn't be near as meaningful for Him, if we didn't have free will. Even the spirits had a choice. A third of them rebelled and followed Lucifer. It evidently was their choice too. And Adam and Eve had a choice. And when they didn't do what God told them, then Lucifer was allowed to rule this world. From then on, people had to follow laws and had to sacrifice animals with blood to be in good standing with God. Until He sent His son, Jesus, to be the ultimate sacrifice to redeem us. And if we accept this gift, that Jesus took our punishment by dying on the cross, then we are His children. But it doesn't stop there. It was never a 'once saved, always saved' situation. That's why His word says we have to take up our daily cross. We have to depend on Him, and trust Him, that He will keep the promises He gave us in His word. It cannot be just words only; it has to be actions. We cannot live like hell and expect to make heaven. All through the Bible God has lots of 'if/thens'. If we keep His commandments, then we are His children. We have to do our part, and He will do His. That's a covenant, an agreement. Yes, there are hypocrites in the church (where else would they be?) God says to be hot for Him, or be cold for Him, but the lukewarm (hypocrites) he will spit out.

I think life is a test. If we fail the test, then there is a hell waiting. But God says in the Bible that He wants everyone to go to heaven. It's your choice. Pass the test - eternity is a long time...

"The purpose of life is a life of purpose." -- Robert Byrne

The purpose-driven life...

I haven't read the book, but I know the gist of what it says. We all need to know that we have a purpose on this earth, and we all need to figure out what it is. It's a huge reason people want to be parents - it's so fulfilling and challenging to raise a child from 'ground zero.' And then when they're grown, you really do go through a mid-life crisis, because a big part of your purpose is done. But in addition to this, I've always wanted to make a mark on this world. It's not an ego thing, it's a heart thing. I want to do something BIG. And meaningful. For God.

One of my biggest regrets, is right after college, I felt a calling to go into the Campus Crusade for Christ as a missionary. I applied, and while I waited, my mother was very against it. I chickened out, and have always regretted it. The road not taken. And seemingly, the road of adventure and purpose. I opted for the 'safe' life... I was MEANT to travel. I'm a gypsy. It's in my BONES.

Decisions are part of the hardest part of life for me. The fork in the road. How do you know God's will? When I was younger, I had no clue. I just closed my eyes, and willy-nilly chose. But I'll let you in on a big secret I learned along the way. Your GUT. Your gut doesn't lie. When you get to a big decision, you imagine saying yes and you imagine saying no. And then which one do you feel a 'peace' about, and which one feels like chaos? There's your answer. Of course you pray. That goes without saying. As humans, we tend to rely on our brain, but this isn't always God's will. Sometimes He wants us to do something that seems a little out there, but when you 'know in your knower,' then you just feel it in your gut. You have to practice, because it goes against the brain. It's such a great barometer.

Now YOU know the secret - it won't fail you...

"We are what we repeatedly do." - Aristotle

Well, for some lucky people like Rush Limbaugh, he's known for what he repeatedly does, a conservative commentator. For the rest of us, it's not quite so clear. It does make you think though.... It goes back to that time thing. There are only a certain number of hours in the day, and what are we doing with them? I drive a heck of a lot. Does that make me a driver? I sell ads for a big part of the day. Am I just an ad salesperson? ugh... I certainly don't want to be remembered for THAT.

When I was in college, I heard someone say that you make life's three biggest decisions around the college age - your Master, your mate, and your mission. The first, of course, is obvious. And once you've made that decision, God will help you with the second two. Who you marry is critical to your life, and sets it on it's course. And then what you do... the one the majority of people struggle with. There are certain career areas, like doctors and ministers, that seem to get the calling early in life. For them, they just seem to know. The rest of us? Well, we switch our major many times and hope we've 'landed' in the right field. And then, once we've had children, it's really hard to change course. It's possible, yes, but much harder. I wish I had spent more time really thinking it through back then. Advertising seemed more glamorous at the time....
I'm still trying to help my children figure out their life's destiny. It's such a huge thing. It's what we'll be remembered for. It's scary actually.
What do YOU repeatedly do??

"May you live all the days of your life." - Jonathan Swift

Just had a conversation with my 13 year old.....we were discussing how we should LIVE our lives instead of being voyeurs that vicariously live through someone else. Our nation has become a bunch of lazys that come home and switch on the TV and watch someone else live their life i.e. reality shows. We're allowing pop stars and hip hop stars to be our idols. Our schools are dumbed down, and we're going backwards. When I was young, the coolest thing at Disneyland was 'Future Land,', where they had displays about what the future looked like - things being pushed with a button! And phones in cars! And a lot of it happened.
Where are the inventors? Where are the scientists? The most respectable job anyone could think of in the sixties was a scientist who was working on the cure for cancer. Look back at actor interviews. Many of them said, 'well, it's not like I'm working on a cure for cancer.' What do kids aspire to now? Either a top sports player or a pop musician. What about engineers? What about going into space? What about exciting new architecture? We need to kill the television and not let it steal our lives away. Other countries are far surpassing our country in inventions and intelligence.
China is quickly becoming (or has become) the biggest super power. We lead this world for many years, and allowed capitalism to give incentive to the best new thing. But along the way, we got spoiled and lazy. Too many years of indulgence has brought us to this. We're allowing celebutards like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, who've never DONE anything except have a rich dad, be the benchmark of what our kids strive to be. We're watching regular people like Jon & Kate Plus 8, and wasting our time in all of this. Do we want to be participators or spectators?
I want my children to have a life of adventure. I want them to help people. I want them to be leaders. I want them to live their own lives and not through someone else. Especially these amoral fame whores. Besides, fame ruins 99% of people, and I've never seen the 1%. It's nothing to aspire to. We need to go back and emphasize what really counts, what really contributes.
Do we die and meet our Maker, and when He says, 'What did you do?,' answer, 'Watch TV.' Oh, I hope not....
Now get out and LIVE YOUR LIFE!!

"I'm starting with the man in the mirror" - Michael Jackson

I'm not sure I recognize the America I grew up in sometimes... I suppose the best way to say it is, loss of civility. I don't know when it started creeping in, but now days there is hardly any respect for anything. For men of the cloth. For teachers. For elected officials. For bosses. And maybe in many cases it's because they didn't seem worthy of the respect, but it's still wrong.
A lot of it seemed to go mainstream with Saturday Night Live; most people just laughed and no one was incensed. But it has grown to an unacceptable amount. This week, the TV show, Family Guy, made fun of Sarah Palin's child with Down Syndrome. This is so disgusting... Some people hate her so much that they have resorted to attacking her children - first the older ones, and now the baby. Is THIS what we've come to?! Hate, hate, hate because we don't agree with someone? Aren't we free to believe as we wish in America?
When I was young, it was clearly taught to me, that in our country you are free to do whatever you wish until it infringes on someone else's rights. It's that last part that's the reason we have one lawyer for every five people here in America... But CLEARLY the line has been crossed in these disgusting, mean, hateful rants. And I'm talking about both sides of any issue. Each of us is responsible for saying something when the line is crossed. That means don't laugh in order to be accepted if these kinds of things are said around you. Or write the TV network to complain. They say one letter represents 1,000 people to the media. We CAN do something. The power of One. It starts with us...

"If you're going through hell, keep going." -- Winston Churchill

If you're going through hell, keep going.... Remember, this too shall pass. I only wish my father would have done this... My father committed suicide the week after my mother died. He stuck a gun in his mouth in the backyard. What a terrible ending to a life. We were looking forward to taking care of him after mom died. He was going through hell...

There are a lot of people going through hell right now. I want to be there for them, but life is really hard for me too right now. My paycheck was cut in half today, and I can't make it on the money I was paid... I've got some hard decisions to make and none of them look too good. I wish I was wealthy so I could help my family. I wish I could bring them security in this insecure world. I wish I could take them on a vacation far away, and leave our troubles behind for a week. I wish I could buy random presents to make their day better. Just an 'I love you' gift to leave on their bed like my mom used to do for me. I wish I could stop being so grumpy since I'm so worried about money. I wish I had more faith, because I need it right now. God promises to take care of our needs. He says we're not supposed to worry about anything, but pray about everything. "For my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." It's a promise. I have to stand on it. It's so hard when I can't SEE it. But that's what the definition of faith is. The substance of things not seen. Otherwise it's not faith. Because if you can see it, it's not faith, right? God never promised that life would be easy. He promised to be with us. I have this theory that this life on earth is a test. If we pass, we get to go to heaven. It's our choice. Or should I say our choices, all of the daily choices. When you come to a fork in the road, take the high road. Every time. Do the right thing. Every time. I used to always wonder when I was younger, what ''Rest in peace' meant. Now I know. They had struggled so hard in this life, in this world. But my word to you is, Hang on. Jesus is coming....

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." -- Henry David Thoreau

Take this from someone who should've done this years ago.... Sit down and figure out what you REALLY want. Forget about the economy, and what do you really want to do for a job. Where do you really want to live? Do you have a burning passion to do something? You must. God puts it in each one of us. Because we all have a purpose. We all have somewhere we're supposed to be. When you're there, things fall into place. I'm not saying it's easy, but it all just fits like a puzzle. When you're out of God's will, everything is a struggle. You're not under God's umbrella of protection. You feel like you're at odds with everything.
It's sort of like the story of Jonah. God told him to go to Ninevah and tell them to repent. But those folks were uber evil and did baby sacrifices, among other things. Jonah didn't want to go. He wanted them to burn in hell. God will never force His will on anyone, but He can make you very uncomfortable i.e. the fish swallowing. He can turn up the heat to try to get you do to something. But you still have free will.

I think God places certain things in our souls. I think musicians aren't happy unless they are doing music. Artists aren't happy unless they are doing art. Dancers. Writers. You get the picture. We all have a purpose. I've heard that we should go back to what we wanted to do when we were young. Sometimes the dream gets warped along the way, and we follow someone else's dream or we settle or just give up. I think a lot of people fall into something and just stay there. But whatever.

Take a day, a weekend, some quality time. And REALLY think what you REALLY want to do. It's there. You'll feel peaceful when it hits you. You'll know in your knower, or as Oprah calls it, you're 'a-ha' moment.

You owe it to yourself. Warren Beatty says, "You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play." Wow.

Would'n't THAT be nice...

"Pass it forward."

Here is an uplifting story I would like to share... When I worked at the Austin American Statesman in the nineties, I worked with a lady in her thirties, who everyone really liked. When I met her, I asked how long she had been at the paper. She answered, 'which time?' She went on to say she had marital problems earlier, and relayed this story. She said she LOVED her job, and LOVED Austin, and all of her family and friends are in Austin. So when her husband came home and said, 'We're moving,' she was completely upset. Upset that he had looked for a job without telling her. Upset that he accepted a job in Amarillo without telling her. Upset that he had rented a house sight unseen. Also upset because they had two young children, making the move even more difficult. She was furious. She actually had decided that she would not go because of all of this but did not tell her husband. Out of curiosity, she did go up to Amarillo with him just to look at the town to see where HE would be moving. She had been reading a book about angels, but her husband had not seen it.
When they got to the rent house with the realtor, she said it had been empty and no one had been inside for awhile. And it was locked. When they got to the master bedroom, the floor was covered with white feathers. The realtor looked so embarressed and said she could not imagine how they got there. No one had even had the key. But my friend knew how. It was the exact scenario she had recently read in her book. AND she had asked God for a sign about it all. Long story short, she moved up there with him and the kids, they were there a year, and moved back to Austin, and she got her job back.
After I heard the story, I asked God if He would send me feathers too. And He does. Every so often I will find a feather in the most odd place, and then I know that God is telling me He's with me. If I save them in my pocket or purse, they disappear. It's the strangest thing.

So, I'm passing it forward...

“All I really need to know I learned in Kindergarten.”

I'm so glad I'm not in junior high anymore.... aren't we all? My last child is in 7th grade, and the drama is non-stop. Yesterday a boy in her class called her a 'D' bag in front of the other boys in her class, and she was so humiliated. She's a pretty sunshiny kid and actually has pretty thick skin. She's been in the same school since pre-school and knows everyone well. But this boy is fairly new and they are like oil and water. She still came home very upset, saying he was bullying her all week. As the parent, I would LOVE to say something to him, or his parents but I know I can't. She's got to start learning how to deal with it.
I've tried to explain that it really doesn't change much from here on out. Every workplace I've been at had the same kind of drama as in junior high. I realize I've worked mostly at large Metro newspapers, where you have lots of employees in many different areas, and there are always, shall we say, 'interactions' between the sexes. Many bosses are the bullies or there is a 'teacher's pet' that tattles on everyone. There are the mean ones, and the sweet ones, the ones that deserve praise, and ones that cheat. Every job I've started at, I've looked for the obvious ones that fill these parts. And then there's the gossiping... (sigh) There are clicks, just like in junior high. There are the 'popular' ones and the 'nerds.' And lunch is still really important.

It's pretty sad that we don't change much after the age of 12, but that's just how it is....

"Life is like a box of chocolates.... Forrest Gump

"Mama always says, 'Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.' "
-- Forrest Gump

I loved the movie, "Forrest Gump." Sometimes life CAN be reduced to some simple true-isms that Forrest said like, "Stupid is as stupid does," and "I guess there aren't enough rocks" and "Mama always says, dying was a part of life."

I'm glad you never know what you're going to get in life. Every day is sort of a crap shoot -- a rolling of the dice. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. I was once asked if I could find out what the future held, would I want to know. No. Never. Because NOT knowing gives us the hope each and every day. And if we knew the bad in the future, we would just be dreading it rather than enjoying the present.

So have a chocolate and let life be a surprise. It's sort of like a child's toy Jack-in-the-Box - we keep turning the handle to the music and wait for Jack to pop up. Life is a roller coaster - when you're down it will go up and when you're up, it will go down. Roller coasters wouldn't be fun if they were flat. Once you accept that this is how life is, you won't be so stressed about it. If you believe God when He said, "and lo, I am with you always," then you know you're ultimately going to be okay.

So, accept the roller coaster. Enjoy the ride. That's all I have to say about that.....

“Do all the good you can..."

"Do all the good you can, By all the means you can, In all the ways you can, In all the places you can, At all the times you can."
I chose this quote to live by today because of the terrible aftermath of the earthquake in poverty-stricken Haiti. It is just too unbearable to watch… the devastation in a country that was awful before the tragedy, but is now in a tail spin they may not ever come out of. .. When I see the images on the television, I have to look away. What can I do but pray and donate money? These kinds of natural disasters can bring out the best in humanity, people from different nations united in the common cause of helping out his fellow man – working side by side searching for survivors as the clock ticks ever so loudly. This disaster brings up memories of Hurricane Katrina and 9/11 in NYC….such a feeling of helplessness, such a sadness to see the desperation in the victim’s eyes. Eyes are truly the windows to the soul, and that makes it even harder to see their faces. The news told of a mother of five children, four of whom had died, and as the fifth passed, she was wailing the haunting wail that one never forgets…. Jesus said we should do unto others what we would have them do unto us, so we should help in all the ways we can. Its what we would want if we were in their plight…
There are so many organizations to donate to – even $1 will help – together we can make a difference.